So you know those moments when your Soul lines up with the brilliance that is the Divine and you suddenly see things in a vibrant, new way? I had one of those moments today.
I'm a very visual person, and in my mind, I've been seeing my almost ex-husband and my ex-dear friend in all manner of passionate clinches. I've seen them laughing with my children and her children. I've felt tremendous pain. As I told my therapist this week, my heart quite literally feels broken. I could feel it as a very real entity and it hurt.
Then, earlier this afternoon, I received a moment of clarity. I saw him. Happy. I saw her. Happy. I saw my kids with them. Happy. I saw her kids with all of them. Happy.
I saw me. Miserable.
I'm the only unhappy one. Just me. All by my lonesome wallowing in despair and bawling my eyes out over something I cannot change. Ever. No amount of self-loathing will bring him back. No amount of contemplating death as the end to my pain will change things. I have chosen unhappiness. No one chose it for me.
And now, I choose to change my mind.
I choose to let them go. I choose to let him be. I choose to let her be. I choose to let my children embrace whatever happiness and fun they may find with him, her, and her kids.
I choose to stand here in the very center of My Life and declare, "I choose Happiness."