Saturday, October 26, 2013

I Got Up

Ever noticed how some people want to hold you down no matter what you do? I have one of those people in my life. Oh, yes, you know him. My ex.

In an effort to begin building a healthy dynamic for my children, her children, him, her, and me (emphasis on the kiddos), I sent him an email expressing my gratitude for all that he does. He's a good dad, even if he doesn't like me very much. I didn't mention the latter. Instead, I poured my heart out, letting him know I am grateful for his support and his adoration of our children. I know he would do anything for them. A letter meant as a gift, an olive branch. I wished him joy.

I also sent Bambi a message on Facebook letting her know I appreciated her being so sweet to my kids. I wished her joy.

She ignored my message. He replied with a magnanimous, "Okay. Thank you."

WTF? I hadn't expected him to respond with a letter of his own, but it would've been nice to hear, "Thank you for being a good mother to my children."

I immediately fell face first in the dirt. That's where I belong, right? I am less than them, because I have an illness. I have a past. I am flawed. Damaged goods.

With a mouth full of dirt, I cried. I could've made Mississippi mud pies.

I texted a couple of friends, 'cause that's what a girl does when her ex is being an ass. One replied succicntly, "dick." The other had a bit more to add, reminding me to take a moment to celebrate my journey and my willingness to experience growth. "They're just not on your wavelength." Simple. Sad. True.

"Do I keep trying?" I wanted to know. I could see her shaking her head.

"Cordial. Aim for cordial."

Cordial, it is. While it would've been nice for the three of us grown-ups to create a healthy dynamic in which we are all open, honest, and caring, that's just not in the cards.

He never did like my fondness for Tarot anyway. *winks*

Here's to true friends. You know who you are. Angels, all of you.



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